In the words of the chorus from Babalon AD by Cradle of Filth one line sums up my feelings for this attraction…
“So glad for the madness”
Back on October 3rd 2018, It was decided one night to road trip to Liverpool in search of an attraction to suit our need for scares. The attraction that was designated? The dark jewel in Liverpool’s crown that sadly has now left us, I am of course talking about Ghoulies Haunted House and Bar. Knowing that Ghoulies did a Ghoulies X show, it seemed the right place to go. Later that night I messaged Ghoulies stating that I and my friends were scare actors and would it be possible to have a more extreme show?, I said I was aware of the 1-10 rating to tailor your experience… Being brave and very stupid I challenged for a 15. Ghoulies obliged, they said it would be an extra cost but we could do an experience not given on the website…
October 4th 2018
After heading to the bar for some Dutch courage, we were greeted by a barmaid who asked us if we were the ones coming for extreme? We said we were,Her look in response was not encouraging, turning round to view the bar in all its glory I then noticed that everything that goes in the depths is available for viewing on the CCTV screens,we headed over to book in and sign our “very unassuming waivers”,The only thing that showed the level of fucked we were was these 4 words. These words in this combination took excitement and trepidation to …Oh, shite what have we done. With an hour and a half to muse over our fate Myself, Andy and Jake headed to Spoons for some cocktails and luckily no peas. After a short live video, the general consensus was that I had killed us all. Cocktails consumed we headed over for our fate.A short standard video briefing and we were sent on our way with only one bit of advice, After you push the red door there is no turning back and you are not to touch anything else.
We headed down the corridor marked with children’s demented drawings and before the red door we met our first denizen of Ghoulies X Extreme, A very very angry and foulmouthed lady with a knife that looked as sharp as her hate for us known as MAMA,Being pushed into the walls at knifepoint it was clear of the aggression that lay ahead. Pushing the red door open the nightmare truly began. The first scene was that of a church , my heart leapt as the need to shout praise the harvest filled my body, this was soon enough extinguished as all three of us were thrown on top of one another by our new tormentors:A demonic dentist with teeth for eyes, A hooded cultist and a Butcher who all took turns to administer our following torture, Pilled on top of one another in a contorted manner comfort was not on the agenda. Being told to get up ..clearly not doing so quickly enough, A sharp forceful boot to the small of the back pushed me in the direction designated. Made to stand facing the the wall in this dark cupboard-like space it was not long until the gravity of the situation was made clear as Madame Skarr made her entrance, The enigmatic and dominating figure with a skill for a cat-o-nine tails, Each of us taking turns at the brunt of her whip while being made to express the filth that we was and to thank Madame for our punishment.
One by one after we found ourselves wrapped extremely tightly in what must have been 15 layers of industrial shrinkwrap. Unable to move or protest one of the doctor figures questioned Andy as to why he asked for a 15?! Andy quickly made it clear who was to be blamed. Now target NO1, possibly the most scared I’ve been in an attraction was about to take place. “COVER HIS FACE TOO!” The shear panic was 100% real as my face as well as my body was clingfilmed over, the slight moments of suffocation although only 3 seconds seemed like an eternity before the wrapping was ripped down off my face leaving me spluttering and wondering if I had honestly this time bitten off more than I could chew.
Once fully and tightly wrapped, this was followed by a very uncomfortable ball gag.soon after we were ordered to lay on the floor on top of each other, Head to arse like some strange homage to The Human Centipede. During this time and to be honest, the whole experience being whipped every 15 seconds and thanking Madame every time.Madame Skarr then stated she wanted “Unicorns”, Amber had mentioned this to me before so I knew the humiliation about to unfold and before long we were all taking turns to wear the infamous “Dildo strap on”atop our foreheads and play the unicorn. During this time we were also made to suck each others “horns” off. Not too long after Jake and Andy found themselves dragged away along the floor in the clingfilm wrap… Whilst I was left to languish in the dark cell After a short while Madame brings in two other new faces, But these were guests, clearly, these took the less aggressive option. After being referred to a “FURNITURE and Gimps” Madame took our new friends away, On returning she was not alone, A big built guy in a butchers apron if I remember correctly was told by mistress that he would have a treat and I would administer it. This came in the form of me having to suck the guy’s sweaty toes!!
Finally, I was removed in the same exit style as the other too, First I spot jake propped up against the wall, secondly Andy after being dragged up beside him. Another character we met at this time was Mr.Stabby the most believable horror clown I’ve ever met, Honestly, he acted like he had the mind of a child, excited at the thought of using us like a pinata. The first girl we met at the beginning MAMA decided for some unknown reason I was better suited to be placed under a bench like a litter tray under the sink out of the way, Occasionally being met by MAMA, Mr Stabby and Madame Skarr taking turns to torment. I was later told during this time that Jake was burped down his throat HAHAHA.
After being dragged back out from under the bench and being used as furniture once again by guests passing through” This time a food stool”. Madame Skarr began her sexual assault, Whipping us in the crotch and yes that did hurt. For me maybe because I’m gay and my rainbow hair gave it away, she decided to mount and ride me calling me all sorts of names under the sun. The most strange experience when her crotch became cold, wet and damp, I was horrified.
Still ball-gaged at this point Madame asks her companions if anyone needs to piss, Before long as expected warm liquid was raining over our faces, But with the ballgags in this felt very close to simulated waterboarding. One guy then covered my face with his sweaty armpit whilst Madame tried to coax a fart out of another.. Luckily for us beans must have been off the menu that day. One by one bought to our feet we were cut free from our plasticky bonds and send on our way into the “scare maze” Section.
I won’t dwell too much here as it is a bit of a blur but I will say this area has some of the strongest strobes I have witnessed maybe on par with TOTT and Sanctuary’s finales. The Standout animatronic being a corridor of windows which with great force were smashed through and zombie arms either side, The noise this made had to be experienced to be believed. At the end of the “scare maze” We found ourselves in a doctors waiting room with what appeared to be a two way mirror, All comedy aside all of the creatures of ghoulies genuinely acted as they hated us, No longer playing about, Now it was time kill with the most unforgettable use of a chainsaw in an attraction id ever seen or felt before.
One by one a real STIHL chainsaw, chain intact, Blades glinting was bought either side of our necks fearfully close. Begging that saw would not be started by accident, Our trust was now totally with the performers, After the second walk up the group the same happened as before but this time the blade was pushed into our neck, Not hard enough to cut, but hard enough to feel this shit was the real deal, without no more waiting, One of us I think It was Andy was hooded, thrown into wheelchair and dragged off into the unknown. The two-way mirror lit up as the silhouette of andy and someone else lay before us. “ANY LAST WORDS” the chainsaw is heard starting up and the silhouette is swiftly beheaded. The light goes off. Jake next, Left alone once again hearing screams and chainsaws in the room ahead. Madame Skarr tells me I was her favourite but that wouldn’t save me, Hooded and thrown into my wheelchair I’m whisked off into the all-consuming darkness as the strongest smell of petrol takes over my senses. Tipped out against the wall, Hood still intact I am ordered to kneel and accept my death willingly. I hear the chainsaw rev, closer and closer, the real blade image flicking through my head. Past one ear, then other…then all of a sudden I feel the harsh metal of the stage chainsaw against my neck, full rpm! The vibration running through my face and down my arms, One final touch, the same but on the base of the spine, this time the vibration running through my entire body. Hood removed I’m told to get up and that it was a botched execution, we now have one option.. to run before success is insured, and run we did down the final corridor bursting through the doors into the light and to a wave of applause and cheers from all those watching from the bar. Wet, sore, abused and degraded but most of all elated and riding a wave of adrenaline. We had made it out to the other end and survived all Ghoulies X Extreme had to throw at us.
Sadly Ghoulies time has come to an end but I can’t wait to see what comes next from the minds of this absolutely stunning scare attraction. There was nothing like it and I dare say there might not ever be anything like it ever again for Ghoulies was an assault on the senses and emotions in every way possible.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for giving us the product I had the honour to experience.
(Pictures from Ghoulies)